23rd of March till the 20th of April Quick Movie Reviews

Ok Ok it has been a while and I got a lot here I will go back to weekly i will try my best

The Matrix **** My first ever DVD and a great film, great action scenes and some great acting from the whole cast, but Fishburne and Hugo are brilliant, I guess Reeves is ok, bit wooden. O yer bullet time, that is pretty cool.

Crimefighters *** By a local film maker and friend, but in this review I will be truthful. An enjoyable story with some great shots, like a review said, it was like a love letter to York, having many different locations all over the city, some I knew well and some I did not know. I think I did enjoy it more because I knew a lot of the actors and it is always cool to see someone you know in something. Only a couple of things I did feel let it down. The sound, not the effects, but the recorded sound was poor in places. Also some of the acting was not amazing. But it was a good film worth a watch.

Ocean Waves **½ One of ghibli’s tales more about life then fairy or legend stories. A lovely story but seemed a bit pointless, it was like a storyline in a soap opera.

Doghouse *** Just a pointless lad movie, boobs, babes and blood. Gore, Gore, Gore. In the words of Charlie Brooker, I’m a man, “pint of tits”!

The Taking of Pelham 123 ***½ Great thriller, and a shame that I was thinking it would be rubbish. Great acting from both the leads, but Travolta proves to me again that he is still a very good actor, making me fall for his crazy nutter! And also I think I prefer Tony Scott to that other crappy one!

Kick-Ass **** I did love this, very near to the comic, but not near enough. Two of my favourite parts were cut or changed, but this in no way ruined the film. I think the film used the source material very well, and created something the film makers and Mark Miller can be proud of. But I think they also created something that would keep a bigger crowd happy. And who cares anyway it has one of the coolest 11 year olds in it! Also some great fight scenes that are very comical but some are also very nerve-racking. A very funny, action filled, reference loving movie.

The Blind Side **** After seeing this I understood the Oscar nod, a lovely story of what can happen when you show someone some love.

The Hurt Locker **** Again I understand how this managed to do very well at the awards both here and there. Heart stopping in paces, with some great cameos from Guy Pearce and Ralph Fiennes, and Kate from Lost!

G.I. Joe ** Pointless, I did love the fact I could point out the toys I had….. but sadly, yes, pointless.

Bunny and the Bull **** The same magic that the Boosh had, but also put in a lovely buddy road comedy storyline and some emotion and it is a bit like Mighty Boosh the Movie.

Saw 6 *** This series will never end, and I kind of hope it does not! The bloody scenes are losing the point, but I’m impressed that the story still links together and most the same cast are in it!

Knocked Up *** Funny

Iron Man ***½ As I am new to Iron Man it did win me over, even though the 2 times I saw it at the cinema I fell a sleep (very tired both times), it had a good story that never bores but does feel a little long! Some very nice action scenes, which include the fight between the fighter planes and the final battle involving the 2 battle suits. Also Bridges and Downey Jr have been cast perfectly.

Rock and Roller **** Not his best, and yer maybe it is trying to hard to be like his first couple. But still it has a good story which winds well between the 3 or so separate storylines and also some funny/great acting from the whole cast!

Team America ***** One of my all time favourite comedy films, the timing of the jokes and songs is brilliant. The mocking of action movies, actors, policing, terrorism and so much more is covered so well! Joke after joke and detail is on the mark, creating a world which I believe Americans see in some way, like all of France’s landmarks in one place, and how the places that the scenes take place in always point out how far away from America they are! Also come on dick, pussy and arsehole is a great speech!

Little Polar Bear * Pointless storylines, I know it is animated kids film but I do not care, polar bears are not mates with seals and the bear would not travel to the jungle in a barrel, and then returned home by an eagle!

How to Train Your Dragon *** A nice little Viking story, fun characters, superb scenery and cool Dragons! The 3D also gave it that little extra kick, but I am starting to think that 3D is a tad pointless.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs *** This was a fun film just full of puns, it even had fun taking the piss out of other disaster movies, like the fact the news reporter points out the food storm seems to hit all major cities before the rest of the world. And Mr T is in as a police man. Plenty of places that I did not laugh at but I did laugh out loud a lot!

Julie and Julia ***½ I really enjoyed this. It was a light, fun film which had lots of food in it and I like food! Also I quite like France and that was in it too!

Twelve Monkeys **** I remember watching this when I was a kid and being amazed by the ending, and at an older age I still think the way the time travel is used is brilliant. Confusing, weird and Brad Pitt is prefect in his role as a crazy person.

Tidal Wave N/A Watched 30 minutes and fell asleep and then could not be arsed to watch the rest of it.

Broken Embraces **** Was not looking forward to this, but people said it was good so I gave it a go, and I’m happy I did. The story was very enjoyable and the characters were all very likeable, also there was a scene where they talk about writing a vampire movie, and it made me want to see it.

Antichrist *** Lots and lots of slow motion stuff. Beautifully shot, and well acted by only two performers, very dark images, including one shot which is the most shocking image I seen in a very long time.

9th to 22nd of March Movie Reviews

A little held up last week so here is two weeks of movie goodness

Bananaz **** A Documentary about the birth and growth of the Gorillaz. A jumbled mix of video footage and animated band material, this film may not really interest anyone who has no background awareness of the band, but maybe it may get you hooked!

Red Cliff ***** This has made it to my 5 favourite films of all time because in everyway this film is epic! The landscapes, the acting, the story telling, the amazing battle sequences, everything slides together like a child’s jigsaw puzzle.

Shutter Island ****

From Paris with Love **** This film flew past, I’m not surprised! One action scene after another, the main characters do not stop searching for their goal till the titles roll! The action sequences are brilliant and are completed with amazing one liners from John Travolta. In a way Travolta owns this film, he is funny and witty but at the same time very serious. My favourite part of the whole film was the great Pulp Fiction line, why?!?!

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo **** A murder mystery, that manages to intertwine two characters from different backgrounds, suffering their own problems, to pair up and work together. This made me what to watch more Swedish cinema, as I have seen little but what I have seen is pretty good, dark but so appealing.

Predator **** I watched this after watching a trailer for Predators and I was reminded how brilliant it is! Great one liners, some brilliant action scenes, tacky but I’m guessing for the time not bad effects and an alien that looks pretty bloody cool. Also a great final battle, where the hunted becomes the hunter! Damn you Schwarzenegger, why did you give up the movie business!

Shifty **** For some reason I can not get enough of gritty London dramas about drugs, the mob and hard living, as long as its not about bloody football hooligans! A friend returns from the North for a visit to a friend he ran away from, and he gets back into the trouble he ran away from. Some great acting in this from actors whose CV’s have Eastenders written all over it. Funny, but dark and emotional at the same time.

Tideland **½ Most the time I love Gilliam’s work, and I pretty much enjoyed this, but the story was just so so twisted! Dead parents, Hill Billy retarded neighbours who loved the 10 year old main character and talking Barbie heads!

Ponyo **** A lovely magical take on the Little Mermaid story. Loveable characters, great scenery and the animation of the sea was spectacular! Something I will be watching again and again in the future, Japanese or English Version!

Jack Said * O my, what can I say about this London/Noir, with a minor role by Danny Dyer and a “from the grave” cameo from Frank Butcher. Well it does not help that the only reason I watched it was because of a TV ad and the fact Danny was in it. After watching it I found out why it was so confusing, it was the second part of a trilogy! Bad acting, confusing plot and stupid voice over. Some nice shots of London though.

Frost/Nixon **** A great piece of character acting from the whole cast, but mainly the two leads.

30 Days of Night **½ As I write this I am only half way through my first second viewing and it has gained a star from the first time I saw it. I think it works well as a background film, when you’re chatting but you have something to stop and look at now and again. Pretty freaky vamps though!

A Perfect Getaway *** An average thriller. Started to get bored half way in then the twist came, which I guessed 10 minutes in, and then the pace started to pick up to an end which was predictable as hell, but what I hoped for.

300 *** Another night, another evening of watching a movie with Jonny. And we had fun taking the piss out of 300 half naked men! A good action movie, some bad acting but a nice look and some great fights.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail ****½ “Jesus Christ!” and “You make me sad, come Patsy”, two of my favourite lines from this crazy comedy. Re watching it, I noticed so much that I have not realised before, because this film is just so full of comedy gold. The 6 Monty Python’s are masters at their art.

I Love You, Phillip Morris **** All the promo stuff made me want to see it as Carrey just seemed so on form. But the problem with the promo stuff was it only portrayed the comedy side of the film, which is true, it is very funny. But the love story is beautiful and heart breaking, Carrey and McGregor have amazing chemistry on screen. Both actors made this film both loveable and laugh out loud funny.

The Bounty Hunter *** A Rom Com about a guy hunting down his ex wife, but on the journey back to prison guess what happens! You will never guess!?!

2nd to the 8th of March Quick Ass Movie Reviews

Roll up, Roll up. Learn what I been watching

White Out *** I do not understand why everyone hates this so much, do not get me wrong it was not great, but it was a run of the mill thriller. Ok when I started watching it I did think it was going to a Horror/Sci-Fi so was a little disappointed that it was like a crime/thriller thing. Some bad acting and not great effects, but not so shit.

Alice in Wonderland **** I was going to knock a star off because of 2 reasons, people telling me it is shit and the bloody dance at the end! A fun kids movie that in places did feel like a reintroduction, more then an action/adventure. But I did like the way the film felt like a sequel to the books, more then a retelling of the story, but because of this reason I understand why people do not like it. Most of the characters were under used, but my favourite character was the Chester Cat as he was well voiced and animated brilliantly as was the Jabberwocky!

Exit Through The Gift Shop ***** Went in knowing little about Banksy and the world of Graffiti Art, left with great interest and the want for more. A well presented story about a crazy French man who films everything he sees who falls into the world of street art and his hunt for Banksy. Just entertaining and really enjoyable.

Tale of Two Sisters *** Like most Korean Horrors, it was very very creepy, and when something scary was coming I pulled my t-shirt up to my nose and put my fingers in my ears! But this film was very confusing and halfway through I realised I’d seen the dreadful remake so that ruined the ending!!

22nd of Feb to the 1st of March Movie Reviews

Not many films this week. Been busy

Mic Macs **** A fun story, that never stops with the comedy till the last scene. A great cast and some brilliant set pieces and props. O yer, really really funny as well.

The Cradle will Fall * A mum who loses it and tries to kill her 4 kids, ranged between 10 months and 10 years. Why in the name of our lord, did I think it would be any good?

Observe and Report ** In the whole film I laughed out loud once and that was 2 minutes before the credits, too little too late! I thought with a cast including Seth Rogen and Ray Liotta, maybe the acting would be good, but alas no, of course not!! I have not even seen Mall Cop, but I get the feeling that would be a much better film, even tho it looks crap!!

Tuesday 16th to Monday 22nd Movie Reviews

Another week, a few more quick reviews
Dante’s Inferno Animated Epic *** This is a nice tie into the game, a great vision of hell and all the different versions look cool, some very nice anime shorts.

Outlander *** When I heard that it was set in 708AD and then an alien crash lands on earth bringing with him an alien beast, I was like brilliant, and now I wonder why I would even think that!! Not awful, but no where near brilliant, and two very under used actors, John Hurt and Ron Pearlman. Maybe also a bit to long.

Paper Heart ***1/2 Quirky, funny, sweet and good mix of mock and real documentary. Some cool puppet scenes too.

An Education **** I understand now why she won the Bafta. A lovely vision of the 60’s and the mistakes people make.

Lovely Bones *** I felt something was missing but some great acting, mainly going to the killer, he was very creepy. Also the heaven parts seemed a bit pointless.

Reviews of the week

I have decided to do quick movie reviews of the films I have seen, just because I thought it would be fun. The reviews are only quick thoughts.

Princess and the Frog **** A classic Disney fairy tale, very close to the Disney features of the 90’s. Even bringing back memories from the Jungle Book. Great comedy animal characters, and some very catchy tunes!

Youth in Revolt *** A great performance from Michael Cera, comes off well as a geek turned rebel 16 year old, also sporting some funny one liners. The rest of the cast is pretty good, but something really seems missing. And it did not end the way I wanted it too, but that is me being picky.

Wolfman *** A great cast, who just do not seem to be bothered and not living up to their roles as ACTORS! Very gruesome in parts and lives up to its B movie name. Some great bits in it, mainly the Wolfman bits.

I Love You, Beth Cooper *** An average teen movie, no better American Pie, but better then Road Trip.

Valentine’s Day *** Poor man’s Love Actually.

A Single Man **** Was taken in by the trailer, and then wowed by the film. Great acting, colour scheme, mise en scene, costume design, sound design and hands down (I think maybe even Oscar winning) performance by Colin Firth.

Percy Jackson and the Lighting Thief ***1/2 This was a fun, enjoyable action/adventure. Fast paced story, which has plenty of monsters, gods and cool set pieces. Also the light connections to history/myths are cool. So much better then the Narnia films, and even better then a few of the Potter films. I hope for more of Percy Jackson.

Scary Stuff!!

Last night went to see Paranormal Activity, and it got me thinking about scary films and what has frightened me in the past. When I was a kid a lot of things freaked me out, toys, films and even stupid objects. Till this day I still have a fear of balloons and dolls, but as a kid certain hand puppets and even those wooden toys that fell apart when you pushed a button on the bottom scared the hell out of me. My cousin’s collection of toys was terrifying, monsters with chains, heads that the eye balls popped out of and a giant rubber spider. I remember my aunt made my cousins hide the toys when I would come over!!
The films that scared the pants off me would not scare the pants off a normal child. Films like Ghostbusters, Jurassic Park and even Who Framed Roger Rabbit! Well come on who is not a bit scared of demon dogs and Zuul, and that scene were Sigourney Weaver is pulled through her living room on her settee!! And come on a T-rex taking out a toilet block and raptors hunting small children in a kitchen, when I saw that at the cinema I left to go to the loo at least 3 times, my parents had to go see it again because they missed so much of it! So a lot of people do not understand why Roger Rabbit freaked me out so much, I can not understand how kids are not freaked out by it still. It is only one scene, right at the end of the film, but still as a kid I feared reaching the end of the film. One line, one character turns the film evil, well he is the bad guy so you can not blame him for being a bit scary, but getting run over by a steam roller and then changing into an a bald headed, poppy red eyed manic is pant wetting. The line that puts the cherry on top is none over then, “Remember me, Eddie? When I killed your brother, I talked... just... like... THIS!”, its how high his voice is at the end and his eyes popping out his bloody head. Also, just remembered this, when his arm turns into a saw, my god!!
These days it takes a lot to scare me, film wise that is. Paranormal was good, one friend asked me to rate it out of 10 and I said 7, it may have gotten an 8 if it was not for the audience. I hate students, maybe more then chavs!! This group decided that everyone wanted to hear their views “OOOO that was scary” “O MY GOD I jumped then!”. Without this and you replace it with a silent cinema, I think that would have made it that much better, making every scary moment more of a surprise.

Now for a new and maybe continued feature, Jonny’s Final Thought.

“Paranormal Activity has been over hyped but still is one of the scariest horrors in a long time. And when I was a child, I was terrified of paedophiles.”